If your mother saw you as “bad” because, in her eyes, you were the source of the problem—because you triggered and reflected her past trauma and pain—there is nothing in the world that can change that.   It’s one in a billion that a mother is truly able to love her child if there was such a deep breaking point after giving birth. She cannot love the part of herself she rejects, so she cannot love her child. The shadow projection is too strong; she cannot reverse that separati

I tried to become somebody else for my mum — someone who was never angry, always strong, and didn’t need her love. I did it to comfort her, to carry the weight of her incapability and responsibility for her, just so I wouldn’t lose her… so I could still feel I belonged to her. She could slap me in the face and I swallowed my anger and fear. Over time, that’s how post-traumatic stress disorder and long-term anxiety took root in my body — by denying my anger and fear again and

The other day, I was upset about something and spiraling in my thoughts about how I could have handled a certain situation with someone better, when my friend said to me: “I love you as you are, just for being here — not because of what you do or say that makes you worthy of it. And I understand that you don’t fully trust that because of your past.”   Hearing that — and noticing the shutdown I felt in response to her unconditional love and acceptance in such an emotionally ch

Self-abandonment in this way is a very common issue. You may not feel safe enough to receive unconditional love and care because you didn’t experience it from your parents, so you unconsciously push it away — even though you naturally long for it.