The Aliveness You Buried Under Depression

At the root of your depression is something simple but painful: you learned to choose others over yourself… to disconnect from your body and emotions, and to stop speaking and acting from your real inner experience.

Depression doesn’t appear overnight. It builds slowly, over years and decades. Its roots usually reach all the way back to childhood — especially into your relationship with your mum and dad.

Do you remember those moments when you felt unseen, unheard, misunderstood, unprotected, or just unloved by them? Did it hurt? Did it scare you?

You felt pain but didn’t show it, right? Why? Were you afraid they’d react badly? Afraid you’d lose their love? Did you hide the fear behind a numb face, fake okayness, or even laughter? Or by being the “good kid”?

Maybe you were angry too. But did you express it, or swallow it and stay quiet just to avoid upsetting them?

What made you hold those emotions back?

If you look past the labels of “mum” and “dad,” what was it you didn’t want to lose? Their love? The connection? A sense of belonging? A feeling of safety?

Please hear this: YOU WERE NEVER THE PROBLEM.

You grew up with emotionally immature, disconnected parents who simply didn’t know how to meet your needs and emotions.

So you adapted. You silenced your emotions to keep the bond. You gave up your needs because, deep down, you knew they wouldn’t be met. And that’s what’s most scary for a child’s little mind.

And that’s what creates depression — the constant repression of your real self. A part of you got pushed into a dark corner inside, scared and unheard, just so you could feel a tiny bit of safety or connection.

Look what you’ve done to yourself... What's the price?

I used to want to get rid of that part of myself.

Fuck, I hated it. I didn’t want to feel heavy or dark. I wanted to be happy, alive, and creative.

But when I finally reconnected with that part, I realised it wasn’t the enemy — it was scared and lonely. It had so much to say, to feel, so much to express. Connecting with it slowly brought me back to life.

So let me ask YOU now…

What does your dark, lonely part want to say?

When you turn toward yourself and ask this question, that’s when real creative work starts for me.

If you have any questions or would like to share what came up for you, just click reply (serena@awarenessembodied.com).

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