What would you do if you died tomorrow?

I know this sounds like a cliché, but this question has been on my mind a lot lately. A family member very close to me had an accident — she broke two vertebrae and now faces weeks of rehabilitation. The circumstances were almost absurd, yet it still happened.

It reminded me how fragile we are in this body — and as human beings, we have far less control than we think. (And I know this realization can bring either a sense of relief or a wave of stress for many of us.)

I feel grateful that this awareness doesn’t bring me anxiety or pressure. It’s not “I have to do this before I die!” or “I’m behind in life.” It’s the opposite. Thanks to the Emotional Repression Work I’ve been practicing for the past years, I don’t feel like anything is missing in my life.

(Also, having a Capricorn Sun with Cancer rising, I still go after what I desire (yes, I don’t really ‘believe’ in astrology either, but it does seem to describe my behavior quite well 🙂). So, where others might wait for someone else to take the first step, give up, or see failure, I see an opening — a chance to persevere and go deeper.)

But I’d be lying if I said this accident didn’t bring anything up for me. It made me appreciate my connections — the people I truly see and feel seen by — so much more. I also noticed a feeling of freeze or shutdown rising in me, in those parts that still feel afraid — not quite safe enough to express love or a need for closure and affection.

(A more detailed journal about ‘insecure and anxious-avoidant attachment style shaped by childhood trauma’ is coming next week. 🙂)

So for me, it’s not really the ‘Oh my God, I have to pack, travel the world, and get married on a beach within 24 hours to feel complete so I can leave this plane of existence with a peaceful state of mind’ (sorry for being sarcastic). It’s more like, ‘I’m scared to let that person know I love them, because if they love me back I might become attached and needy — and they might push me away if they see it and I’m afraid of being hurt again by that like I was in the past, so it feels safer to avoid my feelings and stay silent.’ And then I silently punish myself for not saying anything. (Huh… exhale. 🙂)

When this part came up, I chose to simply embrace the fear of the anxious, needy part that cuts off its needs to stay safe — because connecting with it and bringing my love and presence to understand it is more important to me than forcing myself into action. ‘Doing’ doesn’t replace inner connection for me anyway — and authentic expression to others can only come from that connection — so this approach always feels like a win-win for me. (Yeah, I did call my close friends and family members to tell them I loved them after that, haha.)

Because relationships have always been where I faced the most challenges — and grew the most. They pushed me to the edge of my comfort zone and showed me the unconscious emotional pain in my body that shaped my patterns and kept the suffering and disconnection in relationships in place.

Growing up with unconscious parents in a home without love or affection, I disconnected from that pain to survive. And yet, that pain became my guiding light, leading me toward healing. Thanks to the Emotional Repression Work, the way I experience relationships now is completely different from how I grew up.

The ability to give and receive love and truly care for others just keeps deepening. The warm, safe embrace dissolves the tension left in my body from being hit as a child. When buried hurt gets triggered and I can share it, allow myself to be seen in my vulnerability, and feel loved, trust builds — with myself, my body, and the other person.

Every time I choose to express what I feel, my body and nervous system relax into safety and presence a little more. Do you know that moment when instead of overthinking a situation, you just share your anger about it — and instead of creating distance, the other person actually hears you and wants to understand you? The anger or upset doesn’t damage the relationship — it deepens it. What was yelling and distance as a child is now about seeing and hearing each other in presence.

These are the moments I live for — when I trust what I feel enough to express it, and it brings in the missing experience of love and connection externally.

That’s what I’m most grateful for: these rare relationships that feel like calm spaces outside the storm we call the world. In those moments of connection with them, it feels like time stops, and we fully see, feel, and love each other. That’s how the ever-deepening connection with my inner body and emotions shows up outwardly.

So, what about you? Forget about death for a moment — just look at your life.

Is there any area where you hold yourself back or stay silent even though you feel unseen, unloved, or misunderstood? Or where you keep over-explaining yourself, hoping to be understood, but it never lands?

Notice what happens in your body when you say to yourself:

• “I can say and do whatever I want with this person.”

• “I can fully be myself.”

• “Nothing stands in the way of me experiencing or creating what I desire.”

• “I can tell them it hurt me or made me angry.”

• “What’s the worst and best that could happen if I expressed it honestly?”

What do you feel? These reactions are not random — they are messages from your body and mind pointing to what’s ready to be seen. What’s the message? What would it say if it had a voice? Speak it out loud or write it down if you like.

As children, we learned to hold back our emotions and needs out of fear — fear of losing connection with our parents. This creates our suffering, and we often unconsciously expect others to resolve it for us — but in my experience, it can’t truly happen until we unlock our own emotional self-repression.

When we do, love and safety start within us — and naturally show up in our relationships.

If this touched something in you, I’d love to hear from you. Just hit reply and share what came up for you.

If you only had one more day, what would you finally feel, say, do, or allow yourself to be? 🌿

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