The Stages of Processing Trauma and Coming Out of Suffering to Restabilise in Inner Peace, Presence, and Joy

Childhood trauma—such as neglect, abuse, or disconnection from our primary caregivers— is where our emotionally self-repressive behaviour began. We learned to hold back emotions for which we were punished, shamed, or ignored. To some degree, we all carry this trauma of self-repression.

The following are the main stages of processing this trauma, which I have discovered through my own journey and in my work with clients over the past 15 years.

1. You Stop Denying Your Pain

You get fed up with the lack of inner space that comes from denying your unprocessed pain. You’re exhausted from the physical pain, the emptiness, the stuckness, the painful relationship patterns, the unfulfillment, the anxiety, the depression, the addictions, and the shallow coping mechanisms. You just can’t pretend that everything’s okay anymore. You can no longer pretend it doesn’t hurt.

2. You Turn Towards The Unconscious Pattern You’ve Been Stuck In

After all the avoiding, the self-gaslighting, and the lies, you finally see it: the same painful triggers keep happening in your life and in your relationships. You start to notice the identity you’ve been carrying—that deep down you feel bad, wrong, unlovable, or never good enough. You realize it’s the same painful feeling you had with your parents. And you see how you’ve been terrified your whole life that someone would do the same to you again.

Because of this fear, you remain caught in an excessive effort to fulfill your or others' needs for love and safety, which prevents you from forming a deeper emotional connection and presence with yourself and others.

3. You Access Deeply Buried Anger, Hurt, Fear And Other Emotions

This stage—intertwined with stage 4—takes the longest and requires the most patience and skill. You'll need the guidance of your mentor for a while and the support of your friends while you regain your power. As you come out of denial and connect more deeply with yourself, you'll start to feel the tension and weight of all those denied and unexpressed emotions that have kept you helpless and stuck. Ultimately, it is the inability to feel and express these powerful, vulnerable, and vital emotions that has kept you stuck—trapped in either holding back or overexpressing yourself. As you begin to dissolve the unconscious fears and blocks around your emotions, you start to...

4. Entering Freedom: Re-Experiencing Your Natural Sense Of Self

…you start to feel real energetic shifts in your body and in your whole being on a deep human level. The stuck identity that’s in search for love and safety begins to fall away.

New channels open inside you and it shows up not only in your body and behaviour but also in your relationships and every area of life. You begin to enjoy the present moment again, to feel its aliveness from within. You start to feel that being loved, valued, appreciated, and respected—and living with inner abundance, connection, and safety—feels natural, like it was always yours. It is your birthright. The same goes for closeness, trust and intimacy in relationships. Nothing feels impossible or out of reach anymore. Fear transmutes into power that makes you keep moving forward.

Remember that these stages aren't linear; they're interconnected cycles, especially stages 3 and 4 of your emotional repression reversal. Every trigger in life and relationships reveals a deeper layer of unconscious trauma. As you unlock this painful repression, you gain more freedom.

This is not about fixing yourself—it’s about finally meeting and receiving yourself FULLY. 🌿

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