Let’s talk about something that might feel uncomfortable: presence and sexuality.
Do you know the feeling of a deep, relaxing sense of presence in your body? That feeling of ‘I have arrived.’ When you truly feel at home in your body? Grounded, at ease, enveloped in undisturbed silence, with a sense of deep rest mixed with subtle joy and fulfillment—because you know no one can take it away from you?
For a long time, I didn’t either. I’d only catch glimpses of it, but they faded quickly, leaving me with feelings of lack, disappointment, and unsafety. I searched for that feeling in spiritual and somatic practices, hoping to find it again. Later, I realized I couldn’t feel at home in my body because of unprocessed sexual trauma. That hidden root kept me in an endless cycle of searching. It wasn’t my fault; I was doing my best with what I knew.
I often see this with the people I work with: unprocessed blocks around sexuality, masculinity, and femininity drive a constant search for peace and comfort.
Whether it’s finding a partner who feels safe, getting a pet to help regulate our states and nervous system, or using psychedelics to shift into presence—these are all ways we try to create that elusive feeling. There’s no shame in this.
Coping and processing can coexist; we’re human, not superheroes who can erase decades of conditioning and self-repression with the flick of a wand by simply saying ‘Wingardium Leviosa.’
Sexual repression is also emotional repression. Sexuality, at its core, is a beautiful emotion—but only when the layers of unconscious trauma, frustration, and fear are cleared through somatic work. I’ve experienced both extremes: faking orgasms and avoiding sexuality entirely, or engaging compulsively without truly connecting or feeling through my body and to my partner.
Repression in sexuality isn’t always caused by major traumas, such as being raped in a dark corner of a street at night. Actually, it almost never happens. Often, it stems from smaller, subtler experiences we might not even remember:
Being laughed at by our classmates while changing clothes as a child.
Growing up with sexually repressed parents and feeling unsafe around them.
Being touched inappropriately under the guise of “fun” and laughing along because you were confused.
Losing your virginity to the wrong person.
Having a partner who doesn’t stop when you feel uncomfortable, but staying silent.
The list is long, and many of us have our own experiences.
Breaking the generational and collective silence and taboo around sexuality and sexual trauma is possible. I’ve been doing this work myself, and with each step, I feel more presence, ease, and safety in my body. I feel more grounded in my legs, lower body, and pelvis. I experience deeper safety, presence, and intimacy with men and in my relationships.
Sexuality impacts every area of life—whether it’s repressed or liberated. We have a choice: to find safety and connection within ourselves, or to continue chasing only spirituality and coping mechanisms in search of that feeling.
When sexual repression resolves, spirituality fades—because they’re one and the same.
Warmly,
Serena
What you find inside transforms everything outside! 🌀 ____
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