Have you ever wondered why certain people or situations give you a headache or leave you feeling anxious, defensive, overwhelmed with anger or hurt, or simply stuck?
Look... The thing about trauma is that we often don’t remember it fully—or sometimes, at all. When we go through something overwhelming and painful (especially in childhood), we may freeze, shut down, and disconnect from the feelings and emotions we experience during the event. This disconnect, in turn, often leads to memory loss as a protective response. Since the nervous system is an intelligent network directly tied to everything we feel in our bodies, it shields us from fully recalling the experience, especially the emotional intensity of it. We end up unconsciously confusing what’s happening externally with what we’re feeling inside. Even though inside and outside aren’t truly separate, we often remain afraid that the event might happen again—when, in reality, what we’re most afraid of is feeling those same emotions again. Terror, fear of getting hurt, anger, helplessness, fear of losing safety and that person, and so on…
Why is this especially pronounced with childhood trauma? Because, as children, we have no concept of what is “normal” in a parent-child relationship. The young and 'small' mind will do anything to shield itself from the reality of neglect, abandonment, or even abusive behaviors, be they physical, emotional, or sexual.
Perhaps you remember that as a child, you had to find ways to view your parents as “gods,” no matter what they did. This instinct to idealize them is an innocent, automatic survival response. It’s also why asking a child, “Is everything okay at home?” often leads nowhere—they can’t truly understand what’s “okay” or “not okay,” and their survival depends on staying connected to their caregivers.
When I began processing my traumas with KI somatic inquiry years ago, this was my starting point: “I don’t remember my traumas, but I am in emotional, psychological and physical pain, and I don’t want to feel that pain. I just want to forget, move on, and heal.”
That very urge to avoid pain is itself part of the trauma response. Over time, I started recalling what actually happened—how I’d been beaten by my brother or mother, and would experience shock, walk out of the room, and immediately forget (to make sure I could stay with them, to receive the love and care I needed).
The same pattern held true with sexual abuse. Yet, whenever I was near my father or brother, I felt intense anxiety and a shutdown response, though I couldn’t explain why. This was my 'daily normal'. I carried this conditioning for decades until I was ready to process these frozen memories and emotions through KI.
That allowed me to gradually release the pain I had held in my body for so long. It’s been a deep, often challenging, yet liberating process, one that’s gradually allowing me to return to wholeness and a sense of normalcy again.
I’m hopeful and encouraged by how openly we’re able to talk about trauma now, especially in recent years and past decade. It has become more and more common and normal, even among well-known public figures, giving people the courage to confront any lingering, unprocessed experiences that may be causing daily discomfort and suffering. It also brings a sense of connection, a reminder that we’re all in this together and that we’ve each faced some sort of shit in childhood. We no longer need to convince ourselves with, ‘My childhood was fine, my parents loved me, I’m okay.’ To me, that’s just avoiding the truth. The sooner we stop lying to ourselves, the sooner we can start healing, reclaim our wholeness, and allow our authentic selves to emerge after being repressed for so long.
Here are a few examples as an encouragement. Oprah Winfrey, who suffered childhood abuse and neglect, struggled with self-worth, depression, and unhealthy relationships. Prince Harry’s unprocessed grief from his mother’s death led to mental health issues and unhealthy coping mechanisms. Jim Carrey, dealing with childhood emotional neglect and bullying, battled depression and self-identity struggles. Eminem’s early trauma from a tumultuous childhood and an absent father fueled anger, substance abuse, and relationship problems.
Lady Gaga, after experiencing sexual trauma, developed PTSD, chronic pain, and emotional struggles. These are just a few well-known examples that show how trauma shadows our lives, relationships, and health every day. It’s reassuring to know that there is a path to healing...
Warmly,
Serena
"What you find inside transforms everything outside!" 🌀
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